ADVERTISEMENT

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...

  Fav 23 5278 964

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"

  Fav 12 920 5582

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (706): View more from Georgia

  Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.

  Fav 17 8133 975

  share tweet
  

• (937): View more from Ohio

  Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal

  Fav 25 5178 2238

  share tweet
  

• (831): View more from California

  I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.

  Fav 41 4742 2933

  share tweet
  

• (951): View more from California

  His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format

  Fav 12 6038 1275

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (240): View more from Maryland

  just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five

  Fav 9 5531 1132

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands

  Fav 22 2462 1437

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk

  Fav 3 653 1649

  share tweet
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.

  Fav 6 1052 578

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.

  Fav 0 637 438

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (210): View more from Texas

  I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.

  Fav 4 74 21

  share tweet
  

• (863): View more from Florida

  Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?

  Fav 0 25 21

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests

  Fav 0 31 3

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It was like catching dick in a barrel

  Fav 0 189 18

  share tweet
  

Randomize