At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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