I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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