I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
