oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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