Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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