I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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