I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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