come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
