Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
