Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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