I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
