Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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