This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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