Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
