did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
