Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
