I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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