I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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