please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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