tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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