Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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