so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
