On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
