some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
