also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
