if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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