Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
