I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
