my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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