I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
