Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
