please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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