My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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