wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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