We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
