we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
