I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
