I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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