I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
