Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
