it's too hot outside to masturbate.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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