Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
