So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
