Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
