my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
