Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
bring money and cleavage
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
