So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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