i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
