I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
