You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
