my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
