Someone shit on the floor
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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