I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think my vagina is haunted
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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