the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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