I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
